Bonds of Love: Kaulini Devi Dasi

In the beginning, Kaulini said she didn’t have much attraction or even a desire for spiritual life, but she was following her husband, Kesava Bharati. Kaulini thought, “I’m stuck now because I’m pregnant, but as soon as the baby’s born, I’m leaving.” That was her plan in January 1973.

We got an apartment a block from the temple on Valencia Street in San Francisco, and immediately Jayananda and Vaisesika took Kesava Bharati under their wings and he jumped right into sankirtana. The first time I went to the temple, I heard that buzz from everybody chanting japa in the temple room. I was overwhelmed. I sat in the lobby and Harivallabha talked to me, which helped a little, but I wasn’t really interested.

Jayananda knew I needed service to feel connected to Prabhupada and Krishna. He had me write the Bhagavatam verse on the board every day and I also helped make vases. Later, when the temple president recommended Kesava Bharati for initiation, I went along for the ride. In May, when our son Rama was barely a month old, we were initiated by mail.

Soon after, all the women, including me and my two-month-old baby, packed ourselves into a car and drove to see Prabhupada in L.A. Hundreds of devotees were there. When we arrived, the other women jumped out, but I just sat in the parking lot and wondered what to do. I felt alone. Prabhupada was giving class, but because of my baby I stayed in the car in the parking lot. I still hadn’t seen Prabhupada. Then a devotee told me, “Tomorrow morning before Prabhupada goes on his walk, wait in the alley.” Rama and I did that. When Prabhupada came he had such a big, beautiful smile. I immediately felt he recognized me. He planted the initial seed in my heart that made me not want to leave Krishna consciousness.

During the San Francisco Ratha-yatra in ’74, Prabhupada was going to stay in the house my husband and I shared with a few other couples. I helped get the house ready. I realized the truth of what Jayananda had told me: service creates the connection – you end up loving whomever you serve. Prabhupada held a darshana with the devotees in our house, but sad to say, because of Rama, who was about a year old then, I couldn’t attend.

Then Rama and I moved to Dallas and were there when Prabhupada visited. Prabhupada was giving out rasagulas. I wanted to give him something, so I gave him a pomander ball – an orange filled with cloves that makes a room smell good. When I handed it to Prabhupada he was puzzled, “What is this?” He looked at it, then set it down with a sweet smile that seemed to say, “I don’t know what this is, but I understand you’re trying to offer me something.”

At the Philadelphia Ratha-yatra, I hoisted Rama onto my shoulders and didn’t budge from the wheel of Subhadra’s cart for the entire parade. Whenever I looked up at Prabhupada, who was riding on that cart, I saw him looking at me.

Prabhupada gave all of his spiritual daughters special reciprocation. Each time I saw him that initial distance I had felt shrunk; he brought me closer to him and the reciprocation got deeper. I’ve never experienced that with any other person in my life. Because of Prabhupada my whole experience of life in Krishna consciousness has been wonderful. He’s the force behind it all, the person responsible for my good life. Nondevotees are in so much anxiety. 

There’s no doubt I would have suffered in the same way. But Krishna has not let me go away.
Krishna gives us exactly what we need to turn to Him, and He designs everything to purify us and help us come close to Him. It’s not always easy or without struggles and trials, and we don’t always think everything that happened to us is right, but Prabhupada is protecting and looking after us. According to our mindset we can look at something in a negative or a positive way. We have free will, so we make choices and sometimes mistakes – that’s human nature – but can anything bad outweigh all the good that comes from living a Krishna conscious life?

Prabhupada is freeing us from material anxieties and the fear that comes with material life. Every day we’re given an opportunity and being reminded to turn to Krishna. We’re protected. That’s Prabhupada’s gift to each of us.